im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
