you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
