My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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