But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
