If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
