my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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