After last night, I could never be a politician.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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