I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize