she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just gift wrapped bread.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
