what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
