I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize