Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
