i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
