I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
