I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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