Im at strip club and am horny
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
