I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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