It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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