you win again, gameday.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
