when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
