i love accidental penises.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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