I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
