And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize