There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
