Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
