We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
