I swear she didn't look like that last week.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
