Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
