I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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