So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
