he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
