He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
