So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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