Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize