so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
