and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
