Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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