I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Houston, we have a blender
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
