3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
