i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
