I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
