I got chris browned last night
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
