So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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