I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
