Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
