I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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