Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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