apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
