I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
