i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
