Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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