just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
