you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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