i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize