i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
