you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
