well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
