I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it ðŸ˜
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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