quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
