I'm eating all of the evidence.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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