So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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