What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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