Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
