i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
