I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
