Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
