peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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