Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
