anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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