Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
