the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
