Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I AM VODKA MAN
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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