yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
