but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
