Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
