I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm always down for nudity.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
