There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize