No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I think people are normalizing furries
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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